Check Yourself, Before You Wreck Yourself

by Tiara

I’ll never forget the day Alcohol seductively crept into my life and persuaded me that nothing would love me the way they did. Alcohol, it was my friend, my confidant, my ride or die. When we were together, we were the life of every party. We stayed close. When life’s challenges arose, they were right by my side to comfort me. When goals were accomplished, they were there to celebrate with me. Then as time progressed our relationship began to morph into something me and the people around me were not comfortable with. This then influenced me to reevaluate our relationship in order to gain control back over my life as I felt it was slipping away.

 There were a series of events that encouraged this audit, and I will share with you the top three reasons why I decided to conduct a reevaluation of this relationship:

  1. My friends and loved ones didn't like who I was when Alcohol was around. Let’s just say, they would encourage me to do and say things in a way I would not normally.

  2. I found Alcohol in everything. I mean EVERYTHING. I couldn't get away from them. If I didn't bring Alcohol to the party, some way somehow, they found themselves there. To the beach, to the park, while I was doing homework, while I was out bowling. I mean EVERYWHERE. The only condition which they appeared to respect was my career. Although Alcohol and I did not engage while I was at work, there were days I could not wait to clock-out to go and hang out with them. 

  3. I had challenges distancing myself from this relationship on my own. I would make promises to myself that I could not keep. The level of guilt that I would feel when not holding to these promises was brutal! This was the turning point when I decided to get professional help as a result of not being able to change the relationship on my own.          

As I came to terms with not being able to manage this relationship by myself, I decided to bring these concerns to my therapist. His clinical perspective was not only helpful, but it gave me more insight to myself. We both agreed that my behavior (with alcohol) was taking me to a place that would be very challenging to come back from and it was time to come up with a plan. It was hard to admit I had an unhealthy relationship with Alcohol, but if I was serious about being in control of my life, I had to first acknowledge there was a need for improvement. I’ve been taking it one day at a time since 2/7/2017 and it’s been the most rewarding & challenging journey.

If you are in a place where you’d like to do a soft check-in with yourself, I encourage you to try these two smartphone apps, DBT Daily & I am Sober or call SAMHSA National Helpline 1-800-662-Help (1-800-662-4357). I want you to continue living, loving, laughing, and recovering.

With Hope,

Tiara